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T.G.I. Fridays
31900 Dyer Street
Union City, CA 94587
(510) 489-2797
T.G.I.FRIDAYS.com
Casually criticized: 7/5/04
Why we went there
After a night full of firework hunting and illegal furniture dumping, we understandably awoke with a raging hunger.
But first things first. Mark’s phone display had stopped working, and that took priority. We ventured over to the Sprint PCS store only to find out that no, they don’t have a replacement phone in stock because they don’t make that model anymore, and no, they can’t give him another equivalent phone that they do have in stock, and yes, he’ll have to wait 3 to 5 business days for them to ship one of his model from the warehouse (it’s been 14 days so far...we feel a critique coming on...or is that sukiyaki aftertaste?).
Discouraged, we went out in search of some vittles. Cruising through the gigantic shopping center that is Union Landing (in Union City, "The Gateway to Silicon Valley"), we needed something to ease the disappointment that was our trip to Red Lobster the day before. So naturally, we chose T.G.I. Friday’s, a.k.a. T.G.I.F. Friday’s, the largest casual dining restaurant chain to feature an All-Natural Angus Beef Burger.
Food
While normally eating at least an appetizer or ten, one of THE Casual Critics was trying to trim down a bit and couldnt partake in the normal Casual Critic Gorge-fest (an actual medical condition...see how popular we are?). So, Mark ate healthy. and only had a cup of soup and a salad. Darron, eating like his normal slovenly self, got the french dip, which had plenty of both dip and french. Quick to the table, very tasty...our stomachs were very pleased. Neither of us felt in the least bit sick after this meal.
Service
It was evident right away that Union City’s T.G.I. Friday’s had what all our preferred eating establishments should have: a beautiful hostess. Giving Darron a pleasant Islands flashback, she ushered us to our booth with grace and a smile, informing us that our server, Michelle, would be with us in just a moment. We breathed a sigh of relief: we’d had a string of male servers. When Michelle came over, she was actually a he named Matt.
Visibly frustrated with our not-Michelle server, Mark took out his rage on Matt by releasing a flurry of incredibly difficult and vitally important questions about menu items: "How is the soup made? What salad dressings do you have? What’s in the tortilla soup?" Matt responded to Mark’s questions like a woman just asked out by Darron: with a simple giggle, he answered as quickly as possible, and then slowly backed away. Matt didn't knee Mark in the balls, though...
Fun Factor
Smile...you’re on T.G.I. Friday’s's camera! The moment you walk in, the security camera catches you from a not necessarily complimentary angle. An older male employee joked with us about how he discovered he had a bald spot because of that camera. Now that IS fun...mostly because we aren't bald.
Bang for Your Buck
2 glasses of water - $0
A cup of tortilla soup - $1.29
1 iced tea - $1.99
A house salad and soup combo - $6.29
A French dip sandwich - $6.79
Ordering what you want from the menu and not being told that they don’t have that - PRICELESS
Mark's Mom's Gems
She didn't go...but if she did, we can only imagine what she would have done. Do you have guesses at what she might have said? E-mail as at casualcritics@manasseworld.com. We'll post the good ones.
Miscellaneous
Many months ago, we spent a few hours cruising in and out of chat rooms, pretending not to know each other. Our conversations would go something like this:
Darron: Hey, does anybody know any good places to eat in the San Francisco Bay Area?
Mark: I don’t, but I know who does. There are these really funny guys who critique restaurants all over the Bay Area. Their names are Mark and Darron. They call themselves THE Casual Critics.
Darron: Oh yeah? Cool. I wish I could talk to them.
Mark: Well, they have all their reviews on their web page.
Darron: Really? Do you know what their web page is?
Mark: Yeah, I think it’s http://www.manasseworld.com/casual.html.
Darron: All I have to do is go to http://www.manasseworld.com/casual.html and I can learn all about what restaurant I should go to?
Mark: Yes, and they’re REALLY funny.
Since that little experiment only succeeded in ticking off most of the Philippines, Mark tried a different approach during our visit to T.G.I. Friday’s. Since we were so pleased with absolutely everything, we broke the good news to Matt by writing him a note on the back of Clemens’s Uncle’s business card: "You’ve been casually criticized! Check out http://www.manasseworld.com/casual.html in a few days!"
Well, Matt, what do you think?
Overall
Mark: 4 out of 5 women's open-toed shoes
I dont know if I were blinded by the Red Lobster escapades the night before, but I can honestly say I love Matt. In my mind, he may the best waiter this world has ever seen. And he has a nice ass, too.
Darron: 4 out of 5 Hawaiian shirts 
I am presently near death. I will add a comment when I can.
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