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The Authentic Mexican Food
288 Castro St.
Mountain View, CA 94041
(650) 968-8956
Casually criticized: 5/1/04
Why we went there
Something funny happened on the way to the Japanese noodle house on downtown Mountain View's famous Castro Street. It was the only funny thing that happened.
We ended up at an authentic Mexican restaurant, aptly named "The Authentic Mexican Food." Yes, that's its name: "The Authentic Mexican Food."
Castro Street, not to be confused with San Francisco's Castro district, is lined with a plethora of restaurants with huge signs proclaiming the restaurant's name and genre. But not The Authentic Mexican Food, which had no such signage. Instead, we were coerced into dining there by a small, six inch by 1 foot hanging sign that read, "Mexican buffet."
Stopping dead in our tracks, Mark picked up a menu to peruse the dining cuisine. Before Mark even finished opening the menu, Darron stated, "I'm sold."
Food
We left with our stomachs full of 3 plates each, plus bowls of soup. The highlights are the ribs, covered in a tangy and delicious BBQ sauce. A lowlight was the chile relleno. We both agreed it was too much chile, too little relleno.
We both stayed clear of the eggs in green chili sauce. The fried chicken/pork was either chicken or pork, we couldn't tell. The taquitos (tacos dorados) were neither filled with chicken, pork, beef, nor cheese. No nos gustaron.
Service
Our hostess/waitress (which once again proves our theory that you need to have a hostess AND a waitress) eagerly and quietly greeted us at the front door, staring at us until Mark queried, "Can we just sit anywhere?" Her blank stare facilitated a yes.
Once seated, she transformed into waitress mode and asked, "Buffet? Or menu?" her eyebrows rising with eager anticipation at the former, and her voice lowering and mouth frowning at the latter. She was quite pleased with our buffet response which freed her to roam about the kitchen in her other role as food preparer. We would not see her again until 20 minutes later when another customer was lured in and she quickly greeted him with "Buffet? Or menu." To her chagrin, he said, "Menu."
Fun Factor
It was an eat-all-you-can buffet, which for us is always fun. There was also a picture of the Taj Mahal in the men's bathroom. If that doesn't scream fun, we don't know what does.
It was also fun to separate the beef from the fat in the caldo de res/beef soup. There were chunks of fat so big they made Anna Nicole Smith look emaciated in comparison. Perhaps they came from Anna Nicole Smith.
Bang for Your Buck
We didn't know how much it cost until we got the bill. It ended up being $20 even for the two of us, with the buffet and a drink each. It was a good bang for the buck. And, because effectively there is no service, you don't have to spend much on the tip, either. We generously gave $3.
Miscellaneous
Unlike Uncle Sam's, where there were no signs at all to aid us in the identification of the buffet food items, this buffet was filled with a sea of signs - Unfortunately, while the food was described on the sneeze guard in both English and Spanish (very authentic), the food it described clearly was not correct. For example, the chile rellenos were labeled "Beef Ribs." The rice/arroz was labeled "Stu." We felt a more appropriate name for the restaurant would have been "The Authentic Mislabeled Mexican Food."
Halfway through the meal, Mark discovered that the restaurant obviously used to be Indian, with the Taj Mahal picture and the smell of incense still hanging in the air. Darron went so far as to prognosticate that behind the pinned up Mexican flags were probably pinned up Indian flags and/or anti-Pakistani propaganda.
Considering that during the great majority of our meal we were the only customers there, and we saw a great number of people peek in and scurry away, the aesthetics of the restaurant obviously leave much to desire. If you want to eat here, you'd better hurry - we're not sure how much longer they'll be in business!
Overall
Mark: 2 out of 5 women's open-toed shoes
The mislabeled meats were tender, the service non-existent, and halfway through the meal, whilst chuckling at a joke, Darron erupted into hysterical laughter and exclaimed, "I just thought about puking all over the table, which made me laugh harder, which made we want to puke even more." Darron then asked me, "Isn't that funny?" And I responded, "No, it makes me want to puke." Which in turn, made Darron laugh even harder. As you can see, the restaurant is now correlated with puke in my mind.
Darron: 2 out of 5 Hawaiian shirts 
Though I may not be Mexican, I do know authentic Mexican food when I see/taste it, labels or no. The buffet, though tasty, just doesn't qualify, which makes the restaurant's title an intriguing paradox. In fairness, the menu does list a wide array of tasty dishes that would fall in the category of "authentic," but most aren't part of the buffet. In my disgust, I should have just puked all over Mark.
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